Sorry Boys…This Heart is Spoken For

Have you ever heard a song and feel like it was written just for you?? There’s a song called “Spoken For” by Jonathan Thulin that came to me this week and quickly became an anthem for me. It’s ironic how in life you can feel like you’re on a mountaintop one moment and then suddenly you go hurling down to the bottom. I think about that scene in The Princess Bride when Buttercup pushes the Dread Pirate Roberts (her beloved Wesley unbeknownst to her) down the hill and then throws herself down after him once she realizes what she’s done.

This past week I found myself being thrust down a mountain. My heart found itself in a position where I was letting what other people had done/said affect how I viewed myself. I was left feeling used and objectified by another person’s actions and by the end of it, yesterday it all came toppling down on me. After calling my WONDERFUL mama and venting my wounds to her she reminded me of a very simple truth…hope. My hope is in Jesus and that is where I need to rest. Easier said than done for sure! But God was speaking to my heart. Later in the afternoon one of my best friends texted to me to see how my week was going. After filling her in, she lovingly reminded me of my value, of how much I really am worth, of how much I am to be treasured. She reminded me that not only am I worth being treasured…but that I AM treasured.

Then it was time to head to the gym. Since I had my indoor volleyball tournament I wasn’t going to be able to get a lift in to work out some of my angst. I had some time before our game so I headed to the sauna for a quick 10-minute sit to loosen up my muscles for some pre-game stretching. While in there I was sent a video to watch via Facebook by an old co-worker. It was a video of a 3 year old little girl going through cancer being asked a series of questions by her mom (things like what’s your favorite food? favorite color? what makes you happy? sad? etc.) At the end her mom asked her what love is. In one word this 3 year old little girl answered– God. And then came my tears. [You know in the Bible when Jesus says to have the faith of a child? …Yeah…]

It was game time so I put my emotions on pause and got into sports mode. After our games were done I felt like God wanted to finish what he started so back into the sauna I went. With the place to myself, I had my music playing an artist that I enjoy but hadn’t listened to in a while and that’s when it happened…God spoke to my soul…

You’ve been through a lot these days; The rain clouds just won’t go away
Breathing cause the weather’s fine; It’s okay, It’s okay Now

You cry for so many years; An ocean that won’t dissappear
Well jump in ’cause the water’s fine; You’re okay, You’re okay

So go; Make it known
That your chains are broken; That your chains are broken
So go; Let them know
That you are forgiven; That your heart is spoken for

Your heart has run out of hope; A disease with no antidote
Well let go, because healing’s close; It’s okay, You’re okay

So go; Make it known
That your chains are broken; That your chains are broken
So go; Let them know
That you are forgiven; That your heart is spoken for

Just let your doubting heart make; Room for something real
And Just Breathe…Just breathe…

The healing came. Truth rained over my heart. Tears flowed. [Sidenote of comedic relief…crying in a sauna after you’ve already played a set of volleyball games in a hot gym so you were sweating before you went in…the struggle was real LOL]

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Unedited. Raw. Real. Ugly-crying. I took this picture during my breakdown knowing that this was a moment I was going to share since God was at work…and too much of what we share are “highlight reel” pictures anyways. 

The takeaway though…

I’m OK because my heart is spoken for! Just breathe! God has full reign and ownership of my heart. My value & worth are determined by Him…and not by any other person. The most important thing is that I see my value even if others don’t. Even more, once I see and know my value–I need to know how I am to be treated…what I will and will not tolerate.

I was given my grandma’s original engagement ring after she and my grandpa passed away. I wear it because of the sentimental connection I have with them and it is precious to me. But when I go to the gym to get my lifts in, I take it off so the barbells/dumbbells don’t bend or scratch the metal. I clean it periodically to keep it sparkling. I know how to treat it and how not to because it’s so precious to me.

I cannot always help how others treat me or my heart. BUT…I can help how I let that affect me. I can help how much ground I let the enemy have as he tries to gain victory over me. And the Lord is so loving and gracious to me if I only have the eyes to see it! Sometimes as a single female I can be so longing to be pursued that I miss how much I am being pursued by God! He loves us through people. Yesterday I had a range from people who knew me the best to people who are more of an acquaintance type relationship encouraging me and loving on me.

Later in the evening another friend reminded me that I chose the high road in my circumstances. I’m coming to see that the high road doesn’t mean that things don’t affect me. But rather than throw myself down the mountain because I reacted to my circumstances (Buttercup), I choose to move forward in the place I’m at. Sometimes we  do get pushed down the mountain (Wesley) but even then, when it does…we get back up. Sometimes the way back up is through the Fire Swamp…but you get up and out eventually.

In this case, I’m choosing not to throw myself down the mountain. I’m choosing to stay camped on the high road. I have the strength to do so because I know that I am desperately treasured, loved, and pursued by the only one who TRULY has my heart. My relationship with God is more than just doing or not doing things “because the Bible says…” (that’s another post for another time). It gives me purpose. It gives me hope. It satisfies in ways nothing else can. It gives me my identity. And as uncomfortable as they are, I’m thankful for these seasons of friction so I can see more clearly the truth of who I am and that I can STAND confidently in truth!

God does love us through people…but sometimes people fail us because we are ALL flawed and sinful and selfish and fill-in-the-blank. A reminder…that when people fail us, God does not…ever! We look to people to fill something that really only God can and when we do that is when we experience heartache. A couple verses that I was reminded of through writing this post is:

Put not your trust in princes,

    in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.  –Psalm 146:3

It is better to take refuge in the Lord

    than to trust in man. –Psalm 118:8

Thus says the Lord:

“Cursed is the man who trusts in man

    and makes flesh his strength,

    whose heart turns away from the Lord.

He is like a shrub in the desert,

    and shall not see any good come.

He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,

    in an uninhabited salt land.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

    whose trust is the Lord.

 He is like a tree planted by water,

    that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

    for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”    –Jeremiah 17:5-8

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One thought on “Sorry Boys…This Heart is Spoken For

  1. Hi Mia,
    Thanks for visiting my blog. I really like what you’ve done with yours. I can’t seem to find a “like” button to this post for some reason. Anyways, God Bless 😀
    Sherline.

    Like

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