God is so big and has so much to teach us. Sometimes he spreads out the lessons and other times they come one right after the other. Seasons of healing and refinement are difficult and raw, but they are so sweet. After a week of realizing all these fears, inadequacies, and insecurities…God gave me a week of revelation. I’m weak, broken, and in need of much healing. What an incredibly blessed place to be! Those are not things to be ashamed of. Know why? I do. Because it means I need Jesus and he gets to do what he does best…shine! He gets to be the rock star of my life. He gets to show off! Jesus gets to be my strength. He gets to put me back together. He gets to heal my heart and soul. I get to spend intimate time with him.
I’m reminded of the first time I blew my knee out when I was in high school. I dislocated my knee and sprained my MCL during basketball practice. That put me out for the season. Instead of going to practice, I spent 4 days a week in the trainers office doing physical therapy to get stronger again. During that time, I got to know the trainers really well. I trusted them. They worked with me to regain strength in my legs and to strengthen the muscles around me knee to keep me from re-injury. They knew which stretches I needed; which resistant exercises I needed. Going in an ice bathe to then putting heating pads on me to reduce swelling and keep the muscles relaxed. Their job was to help put athletes back together, heal them, and help them get stronger again so they could go back to work. Some athletes, myself included, had to wear braces to prevent further injury, but back to work they went.
When we are in God’ training office, we spend so much time with Him that we get to know Him deeper and more intimately than we would if we hadn’t been injured. We build the trust with Him that He knows what exercises to perform for us to rebuild and strengthen us. We trust him to stretch us out, even when it hurts, because we know that when we stay flexible we have more mobility to do what we were trained to do. He applies resistance to us so that we can push back and be strengthened; so we can endure the resistance that comes from the enemy and the world.
Being broken and week is not always a bad thing. It’s not something to be pitied or be ashamed of. I struggle with feeling like I need to be this strong heroine. People have to see me as this constant pillar of strength and that if I admit I’m week or in need of healing then I’m somehow less of a woman. I strive to be a strong, confident woman of God…but that looks different in different seasons. Matthew 5 says “blessed are the poor in spirit…blessed are the meek”. Jesus praises being week so he can be our strength. We are to come to him to rest.
The last month of floundering and fear has lead me to the revelation that those things are a product of something in my life that needs to be healed. It is an area that God has spent the last 4 years chipping away at. This part though, he put a temporary fix on so he could address all the other things that needed attention. Well, he has now ripped the band-aid off and is ready for some deep cleaning so it can heal properly; so I can be free. That said, this is not a season to fear or be shamed by but to celebrate. There will be tears. Pain will be stirred, but I can trust my Trainer. I trust that God knows what he’s doing and that I can be honest about what he’s doing. I can be brave. I can have confidence…not in myself, but in the God that I serve; the God who created me and who my identity is in; the God that I can do nothing apart from. He is the God who brings peace. He has created me with a mission, a job, a purpose and he will see that I reach the finish line.
The verse(s) that is my anthem right now:
“Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous…Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:5b-6a, 9
Let us be strong and courageous in whatever season we are in!